Bachelorette Power Rankings—Week 5

The Bachelorette

This was something. It gave us everything that we needed from a Bachelorette episode. We had
a two-on-one with the most electric character in the show, we had the rise of a new trash character, we had Leo singing to a horse, and we had Vegas Baby.

This week and the next are two of the biggest for Becca. This is where she weeds out the real

from the fake, this week, she did a very good job of doing just that.

Date 1: Camel Ride, Colton

Date Grade: C- Competitor Grade: C

Wow, this was an average date, truly not incredible content. Did they really do my boi Colton
like that throwing the “Virgin River” in, come on. Saying that I just watched 40-year-old Virgin
for the first time, and that was truly electric, so maybe Colton has got more then he’s been showing.

This week he talked about Ally Raisman breaking his heart, looking like a snack getting in the
hot tub, and providing a very disappointing bag of nothing. He’s gotta perform better in the
future to show me that he’s not going to break Becca’s heart and go back to Tia.

Date 2: Sing with Wayne Newton, Group Date

Date Grade: B

Participants: Chris, Wills, Garrett, Blake, Connor, Leo, Lincoln, Jason, and John

Rose: Blake

Wayne Newton looks more plastic than human at this point in his life. Also he does not have it
anymore, him singing to his wife was the most cringy thing that I have maybe ever seen.
Now on to the performance, everyone sucked. My favorite performers from the night were:
Leo, John, and Chris. Though Chris came out and blew the crowd away, he then came out and
became possibly the largest bitch of the season. Saying that, after all the guys sang they went to
the home of the Golden Knights, T-Mobile Arena, which was real tight. At the arena Blake blew the competition away and took home the rose.

Date 3: The Valley of Fire, two-on-one

Participants: David and Jordan

The two-on-one we were all waiting on, and it was as awful as we all needed. David sucks,
Jordan sucks, and our girl Becca is killing the game. David was trying to throw Jordan under the
bus so hard, and Jordan did not take any of his shit. Becca is just done with these guys, sends David home, and then goes on a one-on-one with Jordan.

The one-on-one Becca got shown the true Jordan, his true condescension, and the worst kiss
I’ve ever seen. The result, as we all expected, was Jordan going home. The best part of this
whole date was the guys going absolutely nuts once Jordan’s bag gets taken away.

Actively doing the damn thing

Who’s Gone:

David: If Jordan didn’t take up so much of David’s headspace maybe he had a chance this
season, but Jordan showed David’s true colors of being a little bitch. See ya Chicken boy.
Jordan: Sad to watch him go, but love to watch him leave. Jordan provided so much content
this season and for that reason alone I’m sad he’s gone. Maybe this will give the other guys a chance to get off some bits.

John: This one hurt a little bit. John had been showing out lately, and he got booted for Chris which really hurts this episode. John will do well for himself.

Power Rankings:

9. Chris D.S. (↔)

Wow this guy sucks and is officially the bitch of the season as was shown by Wills. How Chris
didn’t go home this week is so beyond me it is incredible. Saying that, it looks like he is airing
out the entire cast next week which should be very entertaining. If this guy doesn’t go home next week, idk Becca.

8. Lincoln (↓1)

Lincoln also sucks. He didn’t bring much this episode, which is probably the producers trying to
do some damage control. Anyway, he’s probably going home next week as well.

7. Connor (↑1)

Connor’s main talking point this week was trying to talk down Chris, which I have a feeling will
be a theme going into next week. This, paired with Connor allegedly telling Lincoln if he shows
up for the “Tell All” that he is going to, “Beat his ass,” shows some potential D.S. for Connor here.

6. Leo (↔)

Still riding for my man’s and this week was no different. He showed enough to stay relevant,
and not get involved in the drama. I just really want Chris to talk shit to Leo one time and then
Leo to just absolutely demolish him, content the people need. Leo’s got to take a pretty heavy
step forward to become a power player which makes me a little sad. P.S. low key Leo has a decent singing voice.

5. Jason (↔)

The group date was so tailormade for Jason. I mean what guy is going to look the most fly in the
James Bond style black tux and bow tie other than ya boi with the slick back. Though he didn’t
do the untied bowtie look, he still did what he needed to do to say very relevant in the conversation.

Power Players

4. Wills (↔)

Wills is SO TIGHT. Between his outrageous style that he somehow pulls off, his weirdly affective
mustache, and now completely alphaing Chris, Wills is flying up the charts. Though he didn’t
technically pass anyone on the power rankings, he did close the gap considerably between him
and third and became a power player. Look for him to continue his climb next week.

3. Colton (↓1)

In an unexpected twist, Colton takes another step down. Possibly the snack of the season is just
not performing. The one-on-one just didn’t give me as much confidence as I thought it was
going to with the status of him and Becca. Anyway, he’s gotta make a move or he will continue to drop.

2. Garrett (↓1)

Garrett didn’t take a step down, because of his performance, but because of the guy in front of
him’s performance. Garrett is still set up to go very far, possibly win or being the next Bachelor.

1. Blake (↑2)

Blake is the big mover up. There are very few times where someone takes such a huge step
after not getting a one-on-one, but Blake took full advantage of the group date to say that he was ‘falling for her.’ Huge move and a move that Becca not only respected, but also felt the same way about. For the reason Blake takes the top spot in this week’s power rankings.

Tune in next week

SKOL Vikes and Kirk Cousin’s beautiful dad van.

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