Wow, ABC is really pulling out all the stops to make sure we are excited about this two-on-one between David and Jordan. Saying that. I TOTALLY AM, but first let’s talk about the current episode.
Date 1: Bobsled, Garrett
Date Grade: D+ Competitor Grade: C+
The digital camera is such a trash move. Also a trash move? This date execution. How can a bobsled date be lame AF? Just watch this episode, ABC made bobsledding lame. Incredible.
The rest of this date was okay. Becca low key called Garrett daddy which is huge. Garrett is divorced I guess?? Which is not huge, but he made up for it so he’s good.
Granger Smith? Not awful. This was the scene we get every single season and usually the new country artist completely sucks, but this was just ‘eh’ so not bad.
Date 2: Lumberjack party, Group Date
Date Grade: A
Participants: Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Christon, Jason, Colton, and Jean Blanc.
This date was pretty awesome. The biggest thing we found out? Becca def knows how to swing an axe if ya know what I’m saying. The weirdest part of the whole thing was the guys just changing right in front of Becca. I get it Lincoln has pipes, it was still awkward. Anyway, we found out who can throw an axe, who can pick up a log, and who can throw an axe. Will Becca find the lumberjack to her jill??
Date 3: Snowmobiling, Wills
Date Grade: B- Competitor Grade: A-
Wills had a hard act to follow with Jean Blanc completely taking up Becca’s headspace, but Wills came through. The snowmobiling was tight, the champagne on a mountain was tight, and during the dinner Wills nailed the convos. He not only showed his goofy personality, but also his insecurities about a relationship. Just an absolute perfect performance from this guy, besides the weird make-out technique.
Some other show said that we are doing the damn thing, so let’s keep doing the damn thing.
Ryan: See ya.
Jean Blanc: Wow. This dude went in guns a blazing and he completely missed. The perfume move was so weird, and that paired with the obvious move to say you were lying. Not his best idea. It ends up this guy deserved every part of getting roasted online.
Nick: Risking it all wearing the track suit. Huge for the brand, the only question that brought up is why he didn’t wear a track suit the entire show. Missed opportunity Nick, you could have been a star.
Christon: I’m truly sad about this one. Dude had some serious smoothness. He’s going to do fine for himself though. Possible Paradise in the future?
12. Jordan D.S. (↓1)
“I talk to God every day and people who go against me end up down.” “Some of the guys think I’m the best-looking guy in the house.” “I’ve never ever made it last place in anything.” “This could be a moment where I go from captain underpants to captain ‘just stole everyone’s girl.’” You’re welcome for all of the best Jordan quotes from this episode. At this point though he is completely a producer play.
11. David D.S. (↓1)
Which is taking up more headspace in David’s head… Jordan or Becca? My bet is Jordan, and it couldn’t make me more excited about next week’s two-on-one.
10. Chris D.S. (↓6)
A big mover up last week, and a big mover down this week after sucking being a lumberjack and bringing NOTHING. Come on man. Also next week does not look great for this guy.
9. Connor (↓4)
Connor brought some huge hair, and that’s about it. You gotta perform better buddy, look for a bounce back week, or he’s gone.
8. Lincoln (↓2)
THIS DUDE SUCKS SO MUCH. He’s a flat earther now too??? His argument for it wasn’t even logical, like no just because the earth is a circle does not mean the ocean will fall on us what?? Anyway let’s run through all the reasons this guy is absolutely dreadful: Poops on floors, is a flat earther, is a complete NAF, and HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF INDECENT ASSAULT AND BATTERY. He is awful. How did he even get on the show?? Unfortunately right now though my girl Becca is still okay with him.
7. Leo (↑2)
You could just see the hate on Leo’s face that the producers made him talk to Jordan, and that couldn’t make me happier. I ride for my man’s Leo, but Jordan and Leo together are some incredible content. Also, we all found out what Leo’s next movie part is going to be: lumberjack. He looked so fly.
6. John (↑6)
No question this was John’s coming out party. He has turned from the fake Venmo guy to the low key thicc clique guy. He won the competition for the lumberjack boys, converted on all of the lumberjack challenges, and won the trophy thing from Becca. Huge for the brand.
5. Jason (↑2)
Jason is my Snack of the Week. Jason is so smooth and such a low key badass, he is climbing my charts and also the charts of Becca. Also, when him and Becca were having the make-out sesh MY MOM told me to pay attention and take some notes. Jokes on you Jacki, I will never be a good kisser.
4. Wills (↑4)
STILL ROCKING THE NAME HOODIE. I need one so bad, it is soooo tight. Anyway, Wills is also tight and is low key becoming a power player. One-on-one’s this stage of the game are huge, and Wills nailed it. Also, this dude made a mustache look tight which is incredible.
3. Blake (↔)
He wants 5 kids??? Jesus. I guess it worked, because Becca is still eating it up.
2. Colton (↓1)
Colton’s getting into the bash Jordan game, and he’s not very good at it. Other than that, Colton is staying strong and steady as a power player in this thang.
1. Garrett (↑1)
Garrett: Just a goofy and weird guy and I love it. Did he throw it on a little thick? Yes, but he’s still a chill guy that Becca is sooooo into. He takes the top spot in this week’s power rankings and continues to battle with Colton for the favorite to take the whole damn thing.
See you next week