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Bachelorette Power Rankings—Week 3

The Bachelorette

Here we are, on week 3 of our emotional roller-coaster we all call love or the bachelorette. Becca is getting closer to finding who she hopefully will spend the rest of her life with, and we are getting at least one more week of Jordan. So, everyone wins.

There was no rose ceremony this week and thus next week we are going to lose like half of the field which should be fun.

Date 1: Spa day for the ladies, Group Date

Date Grade: C+

Participants: Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, Jean Blanc, and Colton

Group Power Players: Jason and Colton

Rose: Colton

Our favorite girls are back: Kendall, Tia, Bekah, Seinne, Caroline, and of course, Tia. Which brings me to my sneaky snack of the week: Seinne. She brought nothing interesting to say, but damn did she look good.

Anyway, we got to see the guys try to show their soft side and give the ladies a mani and pedi. Which mostly resulted in Jordan looking super creepy giving a deep tissue foot massage to Becca and Colton looking awkward af.

The big news of this date was of course Colton and Tia. Tia says there is nothing there, Colton follows by reassuring Becca, gets the rose, and is right back to being one of the favorites. Oh and David and Jordan still hate each other. Jordan can’t have 4,000 Tinder matches in a year, Right? That’s not even possible is it??

Date 2: Capital Records, Chris

Date: A Competitor Grade: A

This is going to be crazy for me to say. Chris was completely honest with his feelings and what we saw was actually real. Because of this, he received a high grade, got the rose, and has immediately became a power player.

The date was tight too. This was a great idea to bring him to Capital Records with Richard Marx. Well done ABC.

Date 3: Footballing, Group Date

Date Grade: B+

Participants: Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Eric, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, and Blake

Group Power Players: Garrett and Clay

Roseish: Clay

This date was a lot more fun to watch then I thought it was going to be, I thought they weren’t going to let them hit each other and it would be just lame drills. Nah, we got Garrett crushing Mike, Leo screaming, and Clay getting injured. It. Was. Awesome. Because of this I’m going to do an extra football guy power rankings:

  1. Lincoln, THE BIGGEST NAF ON THE PLANET
  2. Ryan
  3. John
  4. Eric
  5. Connor
  6. Blake, 1 touchdown off Clay pitch
  7. Leo, Incredible motivational speaker and looking scary af
  8. Christon, obviously best athlete out there. 1 touchdown off pass to flat
  9. Garrett, football guy. Most likely HS quarterback, 3 touchdowns
  10. Clay, Absolute football guy.

We are still doing the damn thing.

Who’s Gone:

Clay: Wow, this just absolutely solidifies his spot as #1 football guy in bachelorette history. He leaves what could be is one true love to continue to be a practice squad guy for a random NFL team. That is an all-time football guy move. Good luck Clay, I hope it all works out for you.

Power Rankings:

17. Ryan (↓1)

He is absolutely losing this. He had a great start at the beginning of the season,—For a refresher, he came in with the banjo on the “After the Rose”—and now he’s done.

16. Nick (↓1)

I found out this guy has blonde hair. That’s it.

15. John (↓2)

Bye, fake Venmo ass.

14. Mike (↔)

Beautiful locks of love on this guy. Also, low key an athlete. Leo went in on him, but Mike performed.

13. Jean Blanc (↓6)

Jean Blanc shit the bed. He had a lot of momentum going into this week and really didn’t bring anything. He had a chance to become a power player, and really just brought nothing. He also had a low key dirty move of saying everyone chill and then taking full advantage of this to talk to Becca first. Watch this guy.

12. Jordan D.S. (↓1)

I need a week where I just write down everything that Jordan says, because that would be hilarious. He also said he was a “Golden Retriever” which was a great move that Becca somehow ate up. I wonder if that is his bio on Tinder says? Gotta be something to get 4000 matches right? Actually take that back, he is def a no bio guy, got to let his “Professionality” do the talking right? Regardless we get at least one more week of suck.

11. David D.S. (↓1)

The dry chicken is back possibly with hamburger face. I do have to say he went into a little to deep on Jordan and it seems like it might turn out well for him.

10. Leo (↓3)

He didn’t really do much this week, but he did get a kiss from Becca and will be sticking around. Low key a psycho tho.

9. Wills (↓3)

Wills possibly had the power move of the episode by putting his name on his sweater which is I guess the move becauseee

8. Jason (↑5)

Becca forgot his name. Also, THIS GUY IS TIGHT. Jason is becoming a power player quick. He is the big mover of the week. He had a major make-out sesh, and Becca said she had a crush on him, which is huge for his brand.

7. Lincoln (↓3)

Lincoln is such a NAF it hurts. Saying that, his bicep was the size of my head. Such a NAF though.

6. Connor (↑2)

Possible small piece?? He seems to have a good lock down on what his brand is though, and the baseball move was very well done. Great way to grab your girl’s waist.

5. Chris D.S. (↑4)

He performed. A lot of people went in on this guy on Twitter, because he was awkward and his suit sucked. I think he did very well though, and we will be hearing more from him soon.

4. Christon (↓1)

Not a great performance from Christon this week, but he showed off how much of an athlete he was. Also he has done enough in the past to stay pretty close to the same.

Power Players:

3. Blake (↓2)

He’s sticking with his story, and really just working it. Blake is almost an athlete too which is good for his brand. He’s going to stick around the top and is the first of the official power players.

2. Garrett (↔)

Garrett did the tackle move, and it may been the smoothest move of the entire episode. He got to grab the entire booty which was huge. He also had the biggest hit during the football date, and that was something all of us needed to see.

1. Colton (↑17)

We all knew it was going to happen. Colton is by far the front runner right now. He played the Tia bit as good as he could, and Becca expectedly ate it up. It’s going to take a lot for Colton not to come home with this damn thing.

SKOL Vikes

 

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