It’s okay everyone, your favorite guilty pleasure’s power rankings are back. Will our homegirl Becca find love? I don’t know, but I do know I’m already sick of everything this show is doing is still based around Arie.
Also Becca met with the biggest snub from last week, Joe, in Chicago. Hmmmmmmm, a storyline to keep an eye on.
Date 1: “Grooms Day”-mud obstacle course, Group Date
Date Grade: C-
Participants: Clay, Nick, Chris R., David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln
Group Power Players: Lincoln, Connor, and Jean Blanc
Rose: Jean Blanc
Why does the bachelor franchise keep bringing back Rachel? She and her fiancé are such a big bag of nothing, did you see her trying to tell those guys what to do? Trash.
Anyway, this date was trash too. The biggest conflict came from the ice bath where they gave the guys these little like $.30 plastic hour glass timers, like you are just asking people to cheat (Lincoln). The best part of this was the guys all trying to get up those stairs at the same time and just biffing it so hard. We will get into Jordan later, but we actually needed more of him here, because I’m sure he hated every second of this.
But, Lincoln won, got a picture of himself with Becca for their “wedding,” started talking to the picture in the weirdest way possible, and then Connor smashed it. Through all the drama, Jean Blanc swooped in and snatched that rose. Jean Blanc officially does not suck.
Date 2: Arie Bash Fest with Lil John, Blake
Competitor Grade: B
God this must have been awkward for Blake, literally this whole date was centered around Arie. Exactly what every guy wants, right? Side note, Chris Harrison just chilling with the sledge hammer when Blake and Becca got out of the limo was so tight.
ABC must have gotten a new video producer and editor, because this scene was absolutely beautifully done. The camera angles were so cool, the editing was incredibly, and Lil John (Though he was kind of awkward). This date was pretty cool, and Blake did as good as he could for how awkward it must have been for him. He did say “We are so much alike,” way to much, which is why he only got a B.
Date 3: Dodgeball, Group Date
Date Grade: A+
Participants: Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton
Group Power Players: Christon, Leo, and Colton
I loved this date. The combination of kids absolutely shredding guys in the prime of their lives, Fred Wills’ naked volleyball story, and Leo’s bellybutton sweat ring made this date was perfectly executed.
Speaking of Leo, the pink team SUCKSSS and don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure that Colton, the former NFL QB, was on that team. At least we know why he is no longer in the NFL. And speaking of Colton, he created all of the drama in this group date. He dated Tia?? Whoa, that was one hell of a development. Because of this, Wills came in looking fly as hell and stole the rose.
Anyway, let’s do the damn thing.
Alex: The only exposure this dude got was crying after getting sent home, which was quite hilarious to me. I don’t think he even talked to Becca and was crying getting sent home. Genius move to get one last face time with the camera to show off his weirdly white teeth, so props to him.
Reminder, ↑’s and ↓’s are in context with who is gone.
Has there been a worse drop in Bachelor franchise history than Colton? Maybe, but this was quite impressive. He will make it through this though, because he is hot and Becca is super into him. This is gonna be fun next week as Colton, Tia, and Becca are all going to be in the same room, well done ABC.
The “Who?” squad
17. Ryan (↓1)
Who? I honestly thought this guys name was Brian until now.
Who? I had this guy on the D.S. last week, but I doubt he’s going to produce now.
15. Mike (↑3)
Looks like this guy could have some staying power, but for now: Who?
Seems kinda tight, but still hasn’t done anything. Who?
Who? The fake creator of Venmo is somehow still here, and got a kiss? I don’t know, he still doesn’t have stay power.
12.Jordan D.S. (↑2)
He actually talked to Becca which made it almost made it seem like he’s not completely a producer play. Jk, if he’s not the most producer placed contestant ever, he’s right up there. He made sure Becca was going too “Put on your confidence” before her shoes and socks, which brings up the point. How does he get dressed?? I personally put on my shoes and socks last, is he putting on shoes and socks before his underwear? Probably, considering he was wearing shoes while ONLY wearing underwear. Dude is so extra.
11.David D.S. (↓5)
The chicken was the big mover down, not because of his performance, but because he didn’t get much time with Becca because of extra Jordan. Also, him and Jordan need to be placed together, because they are definitely headed for a 2-on-1.
10.Chris R. D.S. (↑2)
Chris didn’t do much this episode besides complain about Lincoln cheating. His big episode looks like next week (1-on-1).
Somehow Connor had a good performance when tossing a picture of Becca out the window, really incredible stuff. The way he made up for it was really smooth actually so give credit where credit is due.
Leo is such a baller. He shows off his athleticism (kinda), his beautiful flowing hair, and his aforementioned sweat bellybutton ring. A hell of a performance.
Big Week for Wills, he inserted himself into the conversations of people who could possibly go far into this thing by taking the early rose. My name note on him was stache game STRONG. I’m telling you, this is the year of the stache and Wills has got it going on.
6. Jean Blanc (↑2)
Jean Blanc is legit. He has gone from a guy that was made fun of hard by the internet, to now being a serious contender. Watch for this guy to keep moving up the ranks.
5.Lincoln D. S. (↑2)
This dude clearly sucks, but Becca really likes him. He does have a lot of charisma and a chiseled body—Side note on that, how long does is take a guy to get changed?? Props to him for really going all out on showing his bod I guess—but yeah those are the good things about him. He’s also weird af, a child, and a snitch. I might like him even less then Jordan.
Christon had a very solid performance. His shining moment was pelting Becca with multiple dodgeballs. Bold strategy but it seemed to pay off.
Garrett kind of had a disappointing week, but it is also kind of his fault. He had to good of a first week. Becca said she could look at him for the rest of their lives though, which was definitely a good sign.
Yeah, I’m as surprised as you are that Clay is here. He stepped up to the plate (or the line of scrimmage) very well. A hell of a play stealing Becca to play football with her outside. I almost dropped him significantly because he said “Go Vikings” instead of “SKOL Vikings” possible red flag right there.
At this point in the game it is hard not to receive the top spot after a 1-on-1. Blake produced well during the date and thus turns in the top spot this week.
See you next week.