Bachelor Power Rankings–Week 5

Welcome to the weekly power rankings of your favorite guilty pleasure. As a reference, I use this show completely as entertainment. This show is junk when taking it from any other standpoint. If you truly believe that these people are in this show for love. Nah. Sorry to break your heart, but these guys and girls are in this thing to become at least C list celebrities.

Well anyway, let’s get into it. First a little recap of what happened this week.

Date 1: Yacht Trip, Chelsea
Date Grade: B+ Competitor Performance Grade: A-

Analysis: Chelsea secured her first one-on-one date and PERFORMED. She is the biggest turnaround story of the season, from being the double-dipping villain of the very first episode to the single mom power player that she is now. This date fortified her position as one of the top players this season, and a serious contender for the next bachelorette. AND HOW BOUT THAT JET SKI MAKEOUT SESH. Well done Chelsea keep shooting your shot.

Date 2: Bowling, Group Date
Date Grade: C
Group Power Players: Kendall, Lauren B., and Jaqueline
Rose: Lauren B.

Analysis: The whole cast got liquored up HARD, but maybe Krystal got a little too much, and Hurricane Krystal happened. Incredible television for what should have been a shit date.
Date 3: Everglades Trip, Tia
Date Grade: C- Competitor Grade: B-
Analysis: This date was obviously just to play up to the fact that Tia is from Arkansas which is ridiculous, but also Tia underperformed here. Her performance might be because she’s actually not comfortable in the situation of this date, which Arie obviously was not as well, they were both shitting their pants seeing that alligator right next to the boat. Later in the episode Tia dropped the L word which was a pretty baller move on her part, giving her a slightly higher grade.

Who’s gone:
Marikh: The glam herself finally went home. Honestly, I had never even seen Arie and her have a conversation, which was okay because if you accuse someone else of “Glam-shaming” you, you suck, and deserve to be booted.

Maquel: Former power player to early departure. Maquel was the biggest bust of the season, but unfortunately it wasn’t her fault as she had to attend family matters for a week. Either way, look for her to be on the next Bachelor in Paradise.

Ashley: Honestly, I don’t even know who this is, but I guess, bye?

Power Rankings: A note on power rankings this week. I will be talking about people moving up and down in the rankings, but since this is the technical first week of this column there will not be actual numbers attached to those falls or climbs.

10. Jenna
Being a snack among snacks seems to be wearing on Jenna. Her and Arie’s relationship is in dire need of a turnaround, or Jenna will be going home next week. Look for her to fade this week.

9. Sienna
I don’t think this digression in her standing within this show is because of her relationship with Arie, but the electric energy coming from a couple of the high risers this week. Expect her to make some serious moves this week, or she might be looking at an early exit.

8. Jacqueline
WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?? This girl was a power player on the group date, and seemly came out of nowhere to jump up the rankings. A ranking of eight this week may not seem like much, but she was probably in last place last week, so a five-spot jump is pretty impressive. Oh, and she’s a certified snack, like chicken biscuit snack. Look for her to continue to climb and maybe even become a power player moving forward.

7. Becca K.
This girl has been middle of the pack, even after receiving a first week one-on-one. Her relationship with Arie looks solid, but no fireworks. I mean, she even went up to his room this week. *eyes looking sideways emoji* Don’t look for anything to special from her this week.

6. Lauren B.
Another big mover this week is Lauren B. She got the rose at the group date and was killing the game. She used an interesting strategy of 21 questions to keep Arie’s attention when her time came, and Arie appreciated it and gave her the rose. This was the move we all were expecting from the last of the Lauren’s and hopefully it won’t be her last. She needs to stay aggressive, or some of these other girls will pass her. Look for her to sink or swim this week.

5. Tia
Tia is my girl. So, I’m probably hoping more that she makes it far, shows enough to be the bachelorette, gets kicked off, and then I get on the bachelorette and win her heart; I don’t know, just a thought. Anyway, she actually shit the bed this week as she could have become a power player and kind of just settled into complacency. Like I said earlier though, she did say the L word, which could win her points for the future. Look for a pretty average week after a solo date.

Power Players: These are girls that are ahead of the game, control the atmosphere of the show, and control Arie’s attention.

4. Kendall
Kendall went full physiatrist this week with Krystal and told her what all of the girls are thinking, but that is not why she has moved into power player status. She’s probably the most genuine person on this show, and it shows with how Arie feels about her. They are really a very good match for each other with their personalities, but I doubt they end up together. Look for her to fade this week.

3. Krystal
Her. Freak-out. Was. Perfect. Also, completely not scripted as was shown when the cameras were on the producers actually trying to calm her down. She’s still here though, and she is still hanging on to the fact that all the other girls are so emotionally flawed that she will just be perfect for Arie. LOL sorry girl, nope, you crazy. You REAL crazy. Like on the crazy hot scale it’s almost impossible to be that far to the crazy side when she is that hot. Well done, Krystal you’ve set new highs in crazy. Saying that, she’s falling in the standings and I expect her to continue. I want her to go home because she sucks, but this show is so amazing with her on it, soooo I’m pretty torn. Either way she still completely runs this show.

2. Chelsea
Yep, mommy is here to stay. Chelsea has a real chance to win this thing. She is being very genuine with how she feels for Arie, and is fully ready for love, which Arie appreciates. Her date this week only grew her standing with Arie. Watch for her to keep the momentum going. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a little Chelsea, Krystal chick fight, because I think Krystal is starting to feel the pressure.

1. Bekah M.
“Short-hair” Bekah continues to impress. She carries herself much older then 22, but still has to prove to Arie that she is mature enough to be his wife. If she does, look for her to lockdown this top spot and coast to victory. She is slowly becoming a superstar. It is very hard to be everyone’s favorite in the show, and also be the favorite to win, but she has done it. Look for her to keep her grasp on the top of the leaderboards, also look for her to go full savage mode on Krystal.

That’s all I got for this week, stay tuned for next week’s bachelor power rankings.
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